This week has just been awful. I have only made it to church camp for one day and I made it to my Mom& Dad's to ride horses for about 3 hours. I have the most awful allergy and sinus mess going on right now. I can hardly breathe, I can barely talk and my head feels like it is going to explode from my body. I also have pain in my left ear so you can imagine that I am SUPER PATIENT with my children today. haha.
Claire is refusing to go to the potty so I have conceded for now. I am not going to force her to go. She cries and doesn't understand why I am angry and I figure if I am angry then I am handling it all wrong anyway. So, we will try again in another couple of weeks. Maybe the adjustment with Lily is still to new.
I have such beautiful good babies. They both slept through the night at about 8 weeks. They are rarely sick. Claire is very well mannered and generally well behaved. People are always amazed at how good they are. Claire does have her wild temper tantrums and bad days and Lily can be pretty fussy sometimes but all in all they are easy to take care of.
Which is why I don't understand why I get so angry so easily. I don't want anyone to tell me what a bad mother I am but I admit that I do not handle stress well at all. I like a routine, a schedule, everything to be a certain way and I freak out if everything starts going haywire. I have improved, I am a lot more apt these days to realize it will get better. Anyway, I wish I could understand why I get so angry and take it out on my kids.
Claire is a normal two year old with A LOT of curiosity. She is constantly into everything and wants to know just how everything works and why it works that way. This she gets from her Daddy. She gets her nervousness from me. I love my parents and they are some of the best parents I've ever seen. They will do anything for their children. They have shown me what love really is. But they do not handle stress and conflict in the best way. I grew up in a very tense enviroment (there are a lot of reasons for this, mainly, that my sister died shortly before I was born) and it has affected me and my kids. I want to break the cycle. I do not want to scream and yell at my babies, I do not want to spank anymore. I do not think it works with Claire so why do it? All it does is make her cry and be clingy with me. I don't think spanking helped me either, I think I always listened better when my parents explained things to me. I am not putting down spanking, I think for something very serious it is effective. But, for a 2 yr. old who is actually a very good loving child, I don't see the point.
Also, I do not think I need to spank until I can better control my anger. I do not beat my child but I have seen anger get out of control before. And I should not be disciplining her when I am angry. The point of discipline is correction not taking my anger out on the child.
I find that Claire does much better when she is redirected to do something else when she starts to get into something. If I do it with patience she is usually fine, I also use a lot of time outs in her room and in the chair in the living room. She usually has a much better attitude when it's over ( I use 2 minutes because she is 2 yrs. old).
Toddler wise has helped me a great deal with my parenting. I did not realize there was any other way other than spanking. I also am beginning to use the suggestions on potty training. I have a lot of success with these when I stay calm.
Please pray for me that I may be a better parent to my children, that I may be the best mother that I can be, calm and patient and controlled by the Spirit and not by my anger.
Love you all.
Julie
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