Anger.....

Well, today I made a decision, I am going to get counseling. I may have to take medication. I can't deal with all of the struggles I am having right now without someone to talk to because as of this moment, I am taking it out on my husband and my kids and my self.

I am angry. I am sick . I am tired. My husband used to tell his Mom " If you are sick and tired, why don't you go to bed?" If only that would solve everything. But I don't think counseling or a magic pill or a lot of rest is going to solve it all by itself. I believe that counseling will help me. It has helped me before. (Thanks Dan!) I believe that I may have to take antidepressants because depression runs in my family. I think I have a little postpartum thing going on too. So, it never hurts to be safe. I wish I could get lots of rest but with my husband fixing to start working 65 hour weeks (at least) and being a 2 hour drive from the shop (30 minutes from our house, so 2 & 1/2 hours away). I doubt I will be getting much rest or help with the kids.

I am angry about a lot of things going on right now but I want to deal with everything in the right way (God's way). I don't always deal with things in the right way. I say a lot of things that I later regret but I do try to make up for it and apologize when I do. I can't stand it when someone hurts you and lies about you and never apologizes and expects you to go on like nothing ever happened. That is not being a christian.

I am upset right now. I do not mean to upset anyone with my drama. But, it is my blog and if I can't write it here where people can learn from it and see that we are real and that we have problems, then what good is having this blog? Pain exists for a reason. We all go through things and in the end, God is glorified. I have to hang on to that, it's the only thing getting me through. That He loves me and that all of this pain will have a good ending somehow, maybe in Heaven, but it will end.

I just wish everyone could get along and we could work through our problems like Christians are supposed to without people getting angry and screaming and dragging the kids into it and acting like a jerk trying to fight each other. Boy, that's real Christian, ain't it?

Anyway, just wanted to clarify some things. I do truly love ALL (EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY FAMILY MEMBERS). And I pray for you all of the time and will continue to do so. Let's pray for each other today, okay? I KNOW THAT WE ALL LOVE EACH OTHER MORE THAN LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love and Prayers,
Julie