"Home is the nicest word there is." ~ Laura Ingalls Wilder
In love with Jesus. Wife to my best friend & man I love more than life. Mama to 4 amazing God given blessings. Proud Homemaker & Homeschooler. Living life with it's ups and downs and blogging about it!

Friday, August 10, 2007

So, What's Wrong?

I have gotten this question a few times lately from a couple of people and I don't really know how to answer them. Mainly because I am not sure of what to say because there are quite a few things that I am struggling with and struggling is saying it lightly. I am struggling so bad that I have migraines, panic attacks and I am constantly sick to my stomach. I am on edge. I don't sleep well and yes, I probably need medication and therapy but I also think there is a much simpler solution.

I need friends. My husband needs friends. Yes, we have people we go to church with but we don't feel like they want us to be their friends. I am so sorry if this upsets anyone, I am not trying to hurt anybody just explain how I feel because I need someone to listen. I have cried over this so much. I am sure that some of it is us feeling this way but I feel like it is the truth and the truth hurts.

We are invited a lot by two or three couples in another church to do things with them. We are never invited to do anything with the people in our church. If you were lonely, struggling and depressed and felt like no one cared, what would you feel like doing? Sometimes we just want to go with them, where people take the time to listen to us and spend time with us. They LIKE us. You may think they are just trying to get us to go to church with them, maybe so, but we've known them for a long time and I doubt that is the case. I'm sure that they would like for us to, for our kids to all be there together and sometimes I think maybe that's what we should do.

I have never, once, in all of our struggles seen anyone come and pray with us. I have had two children. I don't want them to feel this terrible pain that I have felt for so long. And, it is taking a toll on them. Claire is nervous, she bites her nails and she is starting to pinch when she gets really frustrated.

I have tried to do things, to get people together to do things. It just doesn't seem that everyone wants their church family to be a main priority (us included). I know I have put other things before the people in our church and I know how easy it is. I am so sorry. People need to realize that jobs and money and things do not matter. It is the people that matter. People are hurting, their souls are sick, they are lost and depressed and we are no where around and THAT IS SO SAD.

I do not want to attend another church. I love a lot of things about our church and I realize that no church is perfect. As a matter of fact, I know someone who attends a church close by that is struggling so much as well and she feels that no one cares. I am going to see her tomorrow because I want her to know that I care and I don't want her to feel the terrible pain that I have been feeling.

I am crying while I type this because people just can't realize the truth. LIFE IS NOT ABOUT US. IT IS ABOUT REACHING OUT AND HELPING OTHERS. IT IS ABOUT THE HURT, THE ABANDONED, THE LOST, THE HUNGRY, THE COLD, THE SICK, THE SINNER (and YES, we are ALL sinners, even you!)

My husband has such a good heart. He struggles every day to stay above sin and sin abounds in the world. He needs your help, he needs your prayers, he needs encouragement, accountability (in love), he needs your phone calls and your visits and you doing things together as Christian men should. He wants your help, your love, your forgiveness. You should want his, too. Because we all wrong each other in life. Don't act like you are perfect. Don't hide your sins. We NEED to pray for you, we need to visit you, we need to know how to help you. Not to be nosy and gossip but because we love you.

Most of all, let's just remember to serve Christ and not ourselves. Christ commands us to serve others. Sometimes we spend all of our time focusing on all the other commandments and we forget the MAIN one.

LOVE ONE ANOTHER AS CHRIST LOVES YOU.

Christ died for us people, how strong is that love? Do you think that he would be sitting at home feeling wrapped up in his world and his problems and not reaching out to others who desperately need our love?
You know the answer to that one. It is written on the cross.

I love you all. I am sorry for the things I have said or done to hurt anyone and I am sorry that I don't get to know you. I know that this needs to change but I am weak and I need you to carry me sometimes and sometimes I will carry you. We have to take care of each other.

Okay, I am done. I can't type anymore because this has just exhausted me. So, it's out there, do with it what you will.

Love and Prayers,
Julie & Charlie


*edited: Reading over this, I realize that it sounds like I am saying that no one cares about us. I know that is not true. Our church family has done a lot for us. We are just struggling right now and we feel VERY alone. Please realize that this comes from a desperate person who is in a very tired frame of mind. Please take it in love because it was written that way. Thanks for reading my ramblings. Love to all of you. Julie

4 comments:

Christine said...

I am so sorry for what you're going through, Julie. I notice you have a 3 month old. SO do I. And I am experiencing some of the same feelings of aloneness and anxiety. For me I think it stems directly from the transition to a family of 6 and how difficult that has been. Maybe you are experiencing a bit of post-partum depression? I don't know- just throwing that out there.

Anyway, as far as church stuff goes, it is very difficult to deal with loneliness within the church. Are there small groups you could join? Can you speak with the pastor about a mom-mentor? Just some suggestions.

As far as your question on my blog about hsing toddlers, I don't do anything formal. We are just always talking about shapes, colors, names of things, reading books and pointing out things for him to identify. We also strictly limit TV and our toys are almost all educational- puzzles, blocks, little people and animals, and tons of books. He picks up a lot from his siblings too which is very cute to see.

I will pray for you and your struggles. Thanks for visiting my blog- your encouragement is a blessing!

crystal said...

Hey Sis,

I know exactly how you feel and I am sorry. I used to feel like that and I did feel like that when I lived back down there. There are times up here that I really dont want to face things, but I always have someone there to lift me up. There are times like this morning that I really didnt want to even think about going to church sunday but I am going to....because I know that it could be the sunday that I lift someone else up or they lift me up when I need it.

We are a small congregation but we are all for doing things with and for the kids. Where you are going, is very difficult to get things going with the kids but even if you just have your two and one or two others you still have to do it. Trust me sometimes that one other one can make it all worth while. Maybe that is the one that is going to make a difference in life. I will email more on this.

For instance, tonight we are doing the park thing with the kids. It will just be our three and their three but they are getting together with other church kids and doing stuff.

About going to another Church. I know how you feel there too remember i went to another one and they did all kinds of things with everyone and i felt so welcome. but it just didnt feel right to me....

I guess what I am trying to say is that if you need friends and the friends that you have are in another church then so be it....do things with them, they may be just what you need to lift you up...invite them to do things with yall...plan activities at church for your kids and invite them...they may come....take your kids there.....for activities...they need all the christian friends they can get....and they dont need to be sheltered like we were and not know what they are all about.

I wish yall could move up here...you would feel so at home and welcome and you would have friends that were there when you needed them....trust me, sometimes I dont have to say a word and I get a phone call wanting to know what is wrong....It is so strange...

I will keep praying for yall and I will pray that you will know the peace that I know and that the church may have an understanding of what its job is....not just to go to church on sunday morning and say goodbye and not see or talk the rest of the week. It is to be Christians all week long....I need to work on this a little more but I am so happy with where I am at right now....I have such peace and love here.

I love yall....sorry about the long comment...

Your Sis and Sister in Christ
Crystal

crystal said...

Hey,

Paul says to tell Charlie hi and he loves him....I love him too.....

Love yalll
Sis

Misty said...

I understand how you feel about all of this. I feel the same way a lot of the time and it does get lonely. I often feel that when people do include me in things they are just doing it to be nice and don't really care whether i'm there or not. I don't know what to tell you about how to deal with this because i have the same problem, but just know you are not alone in feeling this way. Please know that i think of you as a friend too, even though we really don't know each other that well. Hopefully things will get better soon.

If we don't find Him in the small things, how will we ever find Him in the big ones? ~Elisabeth Elliot