I have gotten this question a few times lately from a couple of people and I don't really know how to answer them. Mainly because I am not sure of what to say because there are quite a few things that I am struggling with and struggling is saying it lightly. I am struggling so bad that I have migraines, panic attacks and I am constantly sick to my stomach. I am on edge. I don't sleep well and yes, I probably need medication and therapy but I also think there is a much simpler solution.
I need friends. My husband needs friends. Yes, we have people we go to church with but we don't feel like they want us to be their friends. I am so sorry if this upsets anyone, I am not trying to hurt anybody just explain how I feel because I need someone to listen. I have cried over this so much. I am sure that some of it is us feeling this way but I feel like it is the truth and the truth hurts.
We are invited a lot by two or three couples in another church to do things with them. We are never invited to do anything with the people in our church. If you were lonely, struggling and depressed and felt like no one cared, what would you feel like doing? Sometimes we just want to go with them, where people take the time to listen to us and spend time with us. They LIKE us. You may think they are just trying to get us to go to church with them, maybe so, but we've known them for a long time and I doubt that is the case. I'm sure that they would like for us to, for our kids to all be there together and sometimes I think maybe that's what we should do.
I have never, once, in all of our struggles seen anyone come and pray with us. I have had two children. I don't want them to feel this terrible pain that I have felt for so long. And, it is taking a toll on them. Claire is nervous, she bites her nails and she is starting to pinch when she gets really frustrated.
I have tried to do things, to get people together to do things. It just doesn't seem that everyone wants their church family to be a main priority (us included). I know I have put other things before the people in our church and I know how easy it is. I am so sorry. People need to realize that jobs and money and things do not matter. It is the people that matter. People are hurting, their souls are sick, they are lost and depressed and we are no where around and THAT IS SO SAD.
I do not want to attend another church. I love a lot of things about our church and I realize that no church is perfect. As a matter of fact, I know someone who attends a church close by that is struggling so much as well and she feels that no one cares. I am going to see her tomorrow because I want her to know that I care and I don't want her to feel the terrible pain that I have been feeling.
I am crying while I type this because people just can't realize the truth. LIFE IS NOT ABOUT US. IT IS ABOUT REACHING OUT AND HELPING OTHERS. IT IS ABOUT THE HURT, THE ABANDONED, THE LOST, THE HUNGRY, THE COLD, THE SICK, THE SINNER (and YES, we are ALL sinners, even you!)
My husband has such a good heart. He struggles every day to stay above sin and sin abounds in the world. He needs your help, he needs your prayers, he needs encouragement, accountability (in love), he needs your phone calls and your visits and you doing things together as Christian men should. He wants your help, your love, your forgiveness. You should want his, too. Because we all wrong each other in life. Don't act like you are perfect. Don't hide your sins. We NEED to pray for you, we need to visit you, we need to know how to help you. Not to be nosy and gossip but because we love you.
Most of all, let's just remember to serve Christ and not ourselves. Christ commands us to serve others. Sometimes we spend all of our time focusing on all the other commandments and we forget the MAIN one.
LOVE ONE ANOTHER AS CHRIST LOVES YOU.
Christ died for us people, how strong is that love? Do you think that he would be sitting at home feeling wrapped up in his world and his problems and not reaching out to others who desperately need our love?
You know the answer to that one. It is written on the cross.
I love you all. I am sorry for the things I have said or done to hurt anyone and I am sorry that I don't get to know you. I know that this needs to change but I am weak and I need you to carry me sometimes and sometimes I will carry you. We have to take care of each other.
Okay, I am done. I can't type anymore because this has just exhausted me. So, it's out there, do with it what you will.
Love and Prayers,
Julie & Charlie
*edited: Reading over this, I realize that it sounds like I am saying that no one cares about us. I know that is not true. Our church family has done a lot for us. We are just struggling right now and we feel VERY alone. Please realize that this comes from a desperate person who is in a very tired frame of mind. Please take it in love because it was written that way. Thanks for reading my ramblings. Love to all of you. Julie