"Home is the nicest word there is." ~ Laura Ingalls Wilder
In love with Jesus. Wife to my best friend & man I love more than life. Mama to 4 amazing God given blessings. Proud Homemaker & Homeschooler. Living life with it's ups and downs and blogging about it!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Emotions

Sorry that I haven't posted lately, for the few of you who still read this! lol. I have just been trying to deal with things in life that are seeming to overwhelm me right now. I have no idea what I am doing as a mother to two babies, let alone three. I am just nervous and wired up lately and my anxiety is driving me up the wall. I really worry about my kids and how they are going to turn out all of the time. I feel like I do nothing right and that is not from any outside voices, it is just my own self condemnation that I struggle with. Lately, I do not feel like a good wife, a good mom, a good sister, a good friend, a good anything! I just feel defeated and I hate that.

I don't know, maybe I will get over it soon. Maybe I will feel better and actually feel like doing something. I go through my everyday motions but I am just so overwhelmed and just loading the dishwasher is a momentous task. I feel like God is there, I don't feel abandoned or anything. I just have this overwhelming despair within myself that I will never get it all done, I will never be a better wife, a better mom, etc. That my kids will not be raised to be decent people. I guess to sum it up, I am just tired and overwhelmed with all it means to be who I am.

I am not writing this for sympathy. So, don't feel like you have to offer any. I am just saying that I don't know how to be anything other than what I am right now. I can not write posts about being a good wife or mother when right now I don't feel like I am either one.

Maybe I can come up with something cheerful in the next few days! Maybe I will get in a better mood, I guess for now I can blame it on the hormones!'

Love to everyone & Sorry if you are depressed now,

Julie

3 comments:

crystal said...

Okay....1, you are an excellant sister. 2...or maybe this should be number 1. You are a wonderful mother...and from what I can tell a wife.

It will all come together. What you are going through is overwhelming. It gets better though. Just keep praying and trusting in God. Remember he never puts more on you than you can carry, even though it feels like it sometimes.

Love ya
Sis

Denise said...

Sweet friend, we all experince times like this. Add to that the fact that you are pregnant, and taking care of a husband, and two precious little girls, you have a very full plate right now. Please do not be so hard on yourself, you will be fine. I am always praying for you, I love you.

Misty said...

I totally understand how you feel. I have the exact same thoughts sometimes and don't always know how to get past them. Just try to be strong and have faith.

If we don't find Him in the small things, how will we ever find Him in the big ones? ~Elisabeth Elliot