Sorry that I haven't posted lately, for the few of you who still read this! lol. I have just been trying to deal with things in life that are seeming to overwhelm me right now. I have no idea what I am doing as a mother to two babies, let alone three. I am just nervous and wired up lately and my anxiety is driving me up the wall. I really worry about my kids and how they are going to turn out all of the time. I feel like I do nothing right and that is not from any outside voices, it is just my own self condemnation that I struggle with. Lately, I do not feel like a good wife, a good mom, a good sister, a good friend, a good anything! I just feel defeated and I hate that.
I don't know, maybe I will get over it soon. Maybe I will feel better and actually feel like doing something. I go through my everyday motions but I am just so overwhelmed and just loading the dishwasher is a momentous task. I feel like God is there, I don't feel abandoned or anything. I just have this overwhelming despair within myself that I will never get it all done, I will never be a better wife, a better mom, etc. That my kids will not be raised to be decent people. I guess to sum it up, I am just tired and overwhelmed with all it means to be who I am.
I am not writing this for sympathy. So, don't feel like you have to offer any. I am just saying that I don't know how to be anything other than what I am right now. I can not write posts about being a good wife or mother when right now I don't feel like I am either one.
Maybe I can come up with something cheerful in the next few days! Maybe I will get in a better mood, I guess for now I can blame it on the hormones!'
Love to everyone & Sorry if you are depressed now,