"Home is the nicest word there is." ~ Laura Ingalls Wilder
In love with Jesus. Wife to my best friend & man I love more than life. Mama to 4 amazing God given blessings. Proud Homemaker & Homeschooler. Living life with it's ups and downs and blogging about it!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Our Struggle....

*updated on November 7th, 2008.

We now have 3 children!!! Praise God!!! We were blessed with a son, Andrew Coy David Fogg on September 4th-he was yet another surprise and an even greater blessing from the Lord!!! It is true, God does answer prayer and He does immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, According to HIS power that is at work within us!!!

I read a post today that brought back a lot of painful memories. I normally don't say much about our struggle to have children because it was so painful and it is still painful to reflect on it. But, it changed me. It made me a stronger, better, more compassionate person. Looking back now, I can see that. I could not see that then. I saw everything through the haze of pain. So, I am going to share a journal entry with you. I wrote this on August 13, 2002. We had already been trying for four years. We had lost several babies.

"My body is driving me crazy. I have no idea how to fix what is wrong with me or even all the money it takes to keep going. I am so tired of being sick all of the time and I am beginning to think that I will never hold our child. I am so tired of it all, Lord. Why can't we just be normal? I can't let go of the baby thing.I cry watching movies with Mom's and Dad's, I cry going to the grocery store and seeing all of the moms and babies. Moms and babies everywhere. Why is it so hard for me and Charlie? What do I have to do to make it happen? I wish I knew. Nothing is going to make it okay. The only thing that will make it okay will be to have a child. I know I should be grateful that I have my husband and I am but it's not the same. I don't know, I don't know! I just wish that you, God would take away this awful pain. It hurts SOOO bad......"

I now have two beautiful little girls after 7 years of infertility. I have two babies, but I will never forget the pain of not being pregnant and the horrible crushing grief over the babies that I couldn't have and the babies that I lost. I know it hurts, hurts so deep you can't even describe it. I went through a time when I was very angry and even suicidal at one point, I was just so depressed. The Lord carried me through. That's all I know. He answered me when I called for Him, time and time again. That's all I know and that's all I can tell you. There are no words that will fix it, nothing will. Just hold to God's unchanging hand and he will drag you through if he has to. He had to drag me a very long ways out of a very deep and dark pit.

I hope that this helped someone. Please remember to be kind when you are talking to someone who is struggling with this. We are very sensitive and words cut deep.

Hope you have a blessed day,

Love,

Julie

1 comment:

crystal said...

Sis, I love you....I am working on something...to put on my blog....

sis

If we don't find Him in the small things, how will we ever find Him in the big ones? ~Elisabeth Elliot