Oh, I love a rainy day...

Not so much a rainy night because then the girls don't sleep because they are afraid of storms...lol Anyway, today was a good day, considering Claire has been running about a 103-105 temp off and on and vomiting. We took her to the emergency room and stayed there for almost 4 hrs. yesterday and they fixed her up with antibiotics so she should be better soon!! So, we have not been sleeping much at all the past few nights. However, last night, Claire slept almost 11 hrs and just got up twice to vomit. So, Hallelujah!!, we got SOME sleep!!

After all of that vomit talk, if you are still reading, bless your heart. :) Today was just a rainy lazy day. We stayed in and watched movies and played games and I did some laundry and mopping and some baking. I baked 3 dozen cookies (for snacks and for others), 4 loaves of bread (2 white, 2 whole wheat), and we made some Autumn Chowder for lunch and had leftovers and fresh bread for supper. What a yummy treat!

In a few minutes, I am going to head out to the chicken pen and gather our eggs and feed and water (if Charlie hasn't done it already) and then later this evening we are going to watch a movie while the kids sleep and then turn in early ourselves. Hopefully, we will get a good full night's rest.

I am sorry that I have been terribly lax in commenting on your blogs. It seems that our life just gets busier and busier and sometimes I feel as if I can't catch my breath! I can't promise anything, especially as I feel that God is prodding me, more and more, to slow down, to just grab what life I can while I can. I watch my babies grow more every. single. second. and I am aware of time/life rushing by. I feel it literally sliding out of my fingers as I try desperately to hold on....

So, I must slow down and I must reevaluate & prioritize. I am not through with blogging but I may be around sparingly for a time. Please forgive me if I am.

Have a blessed weekend!

~Julie~

Quick Question for all homeschooling Mama's.....

Okay,

*What is your housecleaning schedule like?

*How do you fit it all in? (I need some tips here, PLEASE!!)

*Any & All ideas that work or have worked for you are VERY welcome!!! I am feeling overwhelmed and the school year hasn't even started yet!! Just planning is kind of making me anxious but since I do so much better and feel so much calmer with a plan, I am turning to my fellow Mom's for advice!!

So, give it to me! All of your sage advice!!

*I know that above all, I must seek wisdom and strength from my Lord and Savior!! I am sooooo thankful that I have HIM to turn to!! :)

last night, I...

*took a LONG bubble bath!

*got in my warm flannel jammies (it was COLD here last night!!)

*put on my fuzzy socks (thanks, Sissy)

*sat under my warm fleece blanket with my journal and the book of James. (will share some notes later). :)

*ate yummy soup

*drank hot chocolate with my hubby!! :)

*kids slept ALL night long with no one getting up to go to the bathroom or anything else, can I get a HALLELUJAH!!!

*making to do lists!!!!

*slept on fresh out of the dryer clean sheets!!

*watched Esther with Claire

*snuggled with all of my babies!!!

What do you & your family do on cold winter nights???

Love,
Julie

Blessings....

Ah....the blessings of family are the greatest..... some highlights from our weekend thus far.......

* Claire did NOT sit on Santa (aka, Uncle George's) lap, however Lily did & talked up a storm to him! Goes to show what Mommy knows, huh? :) Drew also did excellent! We did, however, get a good picture of Claire with Sarah & Santa Claus a little later. :)

* 4 HUGE sacks of candy, apples & oranges to take home from the sweet family of the American Legion my family has been a part of for 3 going on 4 generations.

* Wonderful parents (and Carissa) who offer to babysit ALL 3 children so we can shop all day undisturbed! WOW! What great grandparents & great cousins our children have! :)

*Lunch with Jeremy & Tammy (Charlie's brother and his wife) after we met up in the city. What fun! We never get to do anything together. That was such a great idea, ya'll!!! :)

*WONDERFUL husband & 3 VERY sleepy worn out babies!!!

Got to go and get the middle child back to sleep! Have a great rest of the weekend!! :)

*Sunday-

*church even though it was FREEZING cold!!! Seriously, people, it was 70 here yesterday. This morning we woke up to 21 and it felt like 11 degrees outside. That is INSANE. and hey, I found my very nice gloves that I lost last year, in my dresser drawer! That's crazy.

*I got up at 6 am and made chili and left it cooking on my wodstove all morning while we were at church! Came home to Frito Chili Pie(I have had 3 bowls) shh..... oh, it was good! :) And, I felt like Laura Ingalls Wilder cooking on my woodstove!

*When the kids wake up, we are going to bake more cookies, make more spice ornaments, and tonight open Christmas pj's (that I got at Old Navy for $5 each! Can you belive that?) and after baths, take our traditional picture under the tree. Hopefully, Claire will get a barbie nightgown from MeMe because that is all she has asked for and I can not find one!! Silly Mama, I waited until the last minute. But, all is not lost, I still have a few days. ;)

*We have been watching Barbie's "A Christmas Carol" and "The Nutcracker (which is where I first heard the name Clara (hence, Claire)). I love both of these movies just as much as the girls and I am not afraid to say so. It's so much fun watching my little girls and remembering back to my childhood and dreaming along with them.... I LOVE being a Mama! SO Much!

Well, I have to go and feed Drew. He made the paper today. He was in the baby's first Christmas. I haven't seen the kids Santa Claus letters yet. Hopefully soon!

Merry Christmas!

Love,
Julie

Why we LOVE our church family

*tonight, we are handing out treat bags to the local kids.

* we have TONS of activities with our youth

* the entire church family (youth, too) is going to watch Fireproof this weekend& we will work on "The Love Dare" at Bible Study.

*we are serious about loving others.

*our Sunday dress code is "come as you are". we often wear jeans.

*my husband and other men give lessons (we don't call them sermons) every week. This gives them something to discuss with each other and to learn from.

*we eat dinner together at least twice a month. we are always trying to find ways to do more things together.

*at my husband's job, our church is referred to as, "that church Charlie goes to, they are good people. they don't look down on you."

*I don't know about you, but to me, that means we are doing something right. =)

*our kids love each other. their friends from church are very important to them.

*we do SO many things as a group. we are trying to live life together. To BE the church.

anyway, I just wanted to say all of this. I have been meaning to for awhile. Sometimes I feel like I focus on the problems in life to much and I don't proclaim all of the good things, all of my blessings. Our church family has been a MAJOR blessing in our life. And continues to be.

Please be in prayer for my Uncle Edwin Crowell. He is very ill and doesn't have a good prognosis. we love him so much.

*There are just SO many things I could say about our church family, but here's the one best thing to me:

WE LOVE IT!!!!!

Mama, I wuv you...

The BEST words that I will ever hear! Oh, I love you so much, Care-bear & your sister and brother, too! These words bring such healing to me. They are balm to my soul. You make me feel like the greatest mama in the world when I know just how much I fail. You bring such joy into my life! I can never thank God enough for you! You are such a delight to call my own!

Thank you, Lord, for the amazing blessings that you have given me! Thank you for the privilege of being the very honored Mama to Claire Victoria Rose! Give me the courage and strength to be the Mama that my little ones so richly deserve! In Jesus name, Amen.

Grateful

Well, I am now officially the mother of 3 children! WOW! I can't believe that God has entrusted me with these 3 precious souls. It thrills me and frightens me all at the same time!

Claire is sturggling some with expressing her frustration. She has calmed down a lot in the last few days and so have I. I think getting back on our routine has helped her so much. Lily is doing extremely well. She was a little clingy there for awhile but now is adjusting just fine!

So, we are getting back to a little bit of normalcy around here but it is a struggle for me every day with the lack of sleep. I have taken to lying down when the girls do every day that I can. Sometimes things happen and I don't get to sleep but the rest always helps refresh me. For right now, it is the best that I can do.

I am trying to remember to enjoy and cherish these last few weeks of having a newborn since Drew is most likely to be my last baby.I am trying to remember to stop and keep forever in my mind and heart these beautiful moments with my children. This season right now is so difficult physically and exhausting emotionally but it is a short season and one filled with many blessings as well as the hardships of little sleep and discipline problems!

I must cherish every little baby breath and coo and sigh. Every bathtime with sweet smelling baby soap and lotion. Every feeding time when he looks up at me with beautiful blue eyes so like his Daddy. Time with my son cuddled up on my chest. The little love songs that Claire sings to Drew. Lily's sweet hugs for her baby brother. Claire's "Love you Mama" and Lily's "wuvs Mumma". The girls sweet kisses and hugs at night time and their precious prayers to JesusGod (that's what they call Him). All of these moments are precious and swift.

One day all too soon, I will look back and wonder where my babies went! They will be too busy or think they are too big to stop and cuddle with Mama and Daddy. I will miss this "baby time" and wish I could have it back for a moment. So, now is the time to enjoy it and cherish the blessings God has so graciously bestowed upon us. Thank you, God. I am not worthy but I am grateful. Truly. Eternally. Grateful.

So, that is what I am thinking lately. I just felt like getting it all down somehow before I lose what I am feeling.

Thank you for your loving prayers.

Julie

Prayers Needed

Okay, this is hard for me to admit, but here goes:

I need prayers. Desperately.

I am trying to adjust to being the mother of 3 children under 4 years old. My oldest is NOT taking this adjustment well. That is an understatement! Lily is doing great, it is just a struggle to find the time I need to give all 3 of them the attention they deserve and time for my husband as well. And the sleep deprivation is getting me pretty good. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining, I am blessed beyond words and I know that. I am just admitting my need for prayer to handle the job of raising these beautiful babies & to be the wife that my amazing husband deserves. Anyway, just please remember me & my family in your prayers. I thank you so very much.

Love,
Julie

Our babies

MORE PICTURES & UPDATE TO COME, A.S.A.P.!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Claire & my many blessings....

I am so proud of this little girl. I am so blessed to be her Mama and watch her learn so many new things and grow into such a sweet and beautiful young lady.

She received a baby doll the other day that looks like a real live baby and squishes its face up and cries and makes sucking noises just like a real baby. She calls it her "baby bruddher (brother)" and takes such wonderful care of it. She "changes" it's diapers and feeds it a bottle and rocks it and sings a wide variety of songs to this little baby doll. It's so precious to watch.

She is counting really well and learning her letters. It is so much fun to work with her on all of those things. We love it! She is also learning to swim a little at a time. You can't push Claire, she does everything at her own pace and I so love that about our oldest girl! =)

Claire is very focused on her sister. She adores sissy and adores being the older sister. She is also very good at bossing sissy and correcting her (I have to remind her that I am the Mama, lol). She always worries about sissy and talks to her in the cutest ways.

Every morning she comes into our bedroom and gets in the bed with me to snuggle. She lies there and talks to me nonstop until we get up and get ready for the day. We blew bubbles this morning and giggled in the bathroom so we wouldn't wake up Sis. She is quite the master bubble blower! She is amazed that you can make bubble solution with dish soap and her shampoo! =) That was SO much fun and a great memory!

I love the way she sings to Sissy at night and when sissy is fussy or sleepy. She sings "Jesus Loves Me" and "Everybody ought to know". The other day she was trying to sing, "Wonderful words of life" and Lily kept fussing so Claire said, "Sissy, hush! I try sing wonful words to life but you make me not know words to life, Care not happy with you, sissy!" See why I LOVE being their Mama!!! =) They are unbelievably precious!!!

We have also learned a new thing to help Mama make: Brownies!! She loves to make brownies! It was cupcakes for a while and she still loves to do that but for now her most favorite is brownies. She is going to be such an unbelievably great cook !!! She does good! She already knows all the ingredients for sweet stuff! She knows eggs, butter, sugar, flour, vanilla and her fave right now, COCOA!! =)

I felt like bragging on my Care-bear today and I am thanking God for my sweet little girls. Claire is such an incredible gift in my life and her Daddy and I thank God every day for the chance to be parents to her and her sister and brother. Claire made us a Mama & a Daddy. She made us a family of three and today I am savoring the gift and the feeling of being her mama and also of being a mama to another precious little girl, Lily(thank you God!) and baby Drew (what a blessing!).

I love you, Lord Jesus and please make me worthy, mold me and make me into the wife and mother you want me to be. Thank you for this awesome chance that I never thought I would have and the amazing blessing of Charlie, the greatest husband and the most loving, kind and gracious Daddy to our children. I love them (Charlie, Claire, Lily & Drew) SO very much and you, Lord, are SO very good to me! Thank you for my family Lord and all the blessings that you have rained down upon us. What a marvelous God is our God!

His Yoke is Easy, His Burden is Light

Philippians 4:13 (New International Version)

13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.


This is a verse I have memorized before when I was pregnant with Lily and in the hospital and scared to death that I would die from the complications I was having and I would have to leave Charlie & Claire. I did not know how long I would have to be in the hospital or how long it would take me to get better or if I would. But, I read my bible as much as I could with the IV's in my arm and this is one of the verses I leaned on the most.

Today, I am feeling a lot better about things. Coming through a lot of YUCK! A lot of worry. Things are not necessarily better but I realize just how much I have been giving Satan a stronghold in my life but allowing him in my mind. He has convinced me that I am not capable of handling anything. When in reality, I am capable of handling EVERYTHING that comes my way because I have the Lord who is my true stronghold.

I have always been full of self doubt. I am very hard on myself and I tend to dwell on my mistakes. Lately I have been thinking how I can't possibly handle a third child. I make so many mistakes with the two I have! How on earth is this going to work? And, I beat myself up all the time for the things that I don't do or don't do right with the girls. I think that I am the most terrible mother ever. And the biggie? I don't think that I deserve my babies. I don't believe that I deserve my husband. I am a failure. The list could go on and on forever. I get in this pit, this self incriminating, destructive mindset and I stay there and live in self pity. Because it is comfortable to me. It's easier to believe in others than to believe in myself.

But, today, God has given me this WORD and I must soak this in and Pay Attention to what HE is telling me. I CAN DO THIS!!!!! I am a good mother. I am a good wife. I can be all these things through Christ. And, that my friends, is the biggest relief of the huge burden I have been carrying! So, today, I am letting God carry it for me. For "His yoke is easy, His burden is light."

Hope ya'll have a wonderful day!

Happies...

This post is completely random so it's just a warning! :o)

Things that make me happy today: (in no particular order)

*My husband turning his alarm off this morning & getting back in bed to hold me; how very sweet!

* Grilling last night & working in the garden with Charlie & the girls.

* Claire & the pottty training sticker chart; she has to get 10 stickers to get an ice cream with Daddy. She is on #7 and working hard already today to get to #10! So proud of her; she's trying so hard!

* Lily holding my hand last night while going to sleep. Her teeth are really bothering her and she just needed Mama's comfort. :o)

* Drew kicking me with full body blows and hitting and kicking the matress when I lay on my side to sleep! He is definitely strong & active! It's so fun to feel him move around and know that he is alive and strong! What a blessing (believe me, we know).

* This breakfast casserole; I believe it is very close to perfection! Yummy!

* "Creative Discipline" by Lisa Whelchel (Blair on The Facts of Life); a funny great read that really makes you understand the true meaning for discipline and just what are we getting so worked up for anyway?! lol. It's a lifetime process not something that has to be perfected overnight! Anyway, it helps me A LOT! :o)

* My Brighton watch takes a standard watch battery.

* My fingers and feet are not swollen today (yet).

*Dr. Pepper lip smackers lip gloss! Seriously good stuff for a Dr. Pepper addict and the color is really flattering, as well. Just a hint of color, like a blush.(I have been using this for about 5 years or so and I LOVE it!)

*Jergen's Self Tanning Body Lotion; just enough color but not enough to make me orange, which every other lotion with self tanner that I have tried does! Wal-Mart makes a generic version and I think Target does as well. I know the Wal-Mart one is about $2 cheaper a bottle and it works just as well. Although, you can also get the Jergen's lotion that is firming and it does wonders for cellulite and stretch marks! Hallelujah; it's amazing what a good tan can hide! :o)

* Splenda- LOVE the taste of this stuff and trying to eat healthier so this is a must. I am addicted to sweets and this just makes it easier to indulge. We have sweet tea made with this every night and we like it more than sugar sweet tea! In fact, the regular sweet tea feels so heavy to us now. This is great to have in the pantry to make some awesome sweet tea or a quick dessert! :o)

* The Ashley Judd Collection at Goody's! when I lose this pregnancy weight; I am SO shopping there & buying myself a few items! They are gorgeous and VERY flattering! Check it out; you can't beat Goody's prices!

* Target's (Liz Lange) Maternity jeans; Awesome & they last through more than one pregnancy! So comfortable and cute with all your shoes!(By the way; I am NOT getting paid to endorse anyone; just sharing my favorites with you!) *And, although I love the ones that I own now; they do not currently have anything cute that I think would work if I wanted to order a new pair! But, Old Navy has some really cute maternity jeans right now and I want to order this pair and this pair in particular!

* New Living Translation Study Bible; to study with, I haven't found anything better. The charts and timelines and biblical history are so helpful. I have used this Bible along with my KJV and my NIV for years and I find that looking at all three helps understand the context that something is written in much better. Of course, this is JMHO(just my honest opinion) and I am in NO way an expert on what Bible to read!

* My Kitchen Aid Mixer for awesome meringue for coconut cream pie we had earlier this week; yum!

* My granny's patchwork quilt made with her old dresses(the same ones that she made our barbie clothes with). I love to cuddle up with this and read my bible and journal. Makes me feel warm and loved.

* Things that don't let us forget. A book I am reading right now by Karen Kingsbury, "One Tuesday Morning". I cried so much and it reminded me how blessed I am to have the godly man that I do for my husband. He is not perfect and neither am I but we do strive toward that same ultimate goal; to be more like Christ every day. I love him so much.

*Baby Einstein videos- BOTH girls LOVE these and Claire teaches Lily the concepts as they watch. It's a sanity saver for me and so precious for the girls to enjoy this together! :o)

*Babywise- Nobody throw anything; this has helped us with both girls (both sleeping through the night by 12 weeks) so it works for us! :o)

Okay, I guess that I am through for now! I know this probably bored you senseless but thanks for reading along! And, if you get time, let me know a few of your favorite things! :o)

Love and Blessings to all,
Julie

Happy Birthday, Baby! And News....

First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHARLIE!!!!! I am making an awesome meal tonight with his favorite Blackberry Cheese Pie for dessert(seriously, you have to try this pie, SO good!) I can't wait until he gets home so we can eat it and it's super great for these crazy hot days! :o) Sarah has some yummy looking pictures here. (We use frozen blackberries, they are cheaper!)

For those of you who don't already know, we are having a BOY!!!! I will try to get the ultrasound picture up sometime this week but it may take a while. I am officially back on blogging break after this post! I had to break my blogging fast to tell you the great news and to wish my hubby Happy Birthday! :o)

So, Happy Birthday, Baby and Welcome to the family, Baby Drew! Can't wait to meet you!!!!

Love and Prayers to all of you,
Julie

Asking For Prayers

I am supposed to be on a blogging break but I just wanted to ask everyone to pray for us tomorrow! Please pray that the ultrasound results are good and the baby is healthy and if not that we may have the strength and wisdom and courage to deal with whatever is to be. I am not looking for bad news but I always feel we must be prepared to face it. So, if you would, please say a special prayer for us & the baby tomorrow. It would mean a lot to me going into the ultrasound room.

The ultrasound is scheduled for tomorrow at 2 pm. We have a long (1 & 1/2 hr. drive) to get there. I will try to let everyone know as soon as possible about the results. Thank you all for your thoughtfulness and prayers on our behalf. I am very grateful for all of our family, friends and bloggy friends! You mean so much to us!

Stay tuned for the results.......

Love and Prayers,
Julie

Random things....

I am going to the OB today and this is the day that I set up my ultrasound appointment for next week. I had to reschedule last week's OB appointment or I would have had the ultrasound this week but that's okay. Everything works out in God's perfect timing! So, I am just keeping everyone updated on that. I would appreciate it if you would continue to pray for the ultrasound appointment to go well.

I want to say thank you to a couple of people that I don't mention on here very much. My sister Tammy, who is going with me today and Melissa (Charlie's cousin) who has been a GREAT friend to me lately. I really appreciate all you do and how you have lifted me up the past couple of weeks, I needed that so much! I go to church with these two and I think that they are both trying really hard to continue to knit our congregation into a true example of the love of Christ. I am just feeling really grateful for these two lately and SO blessed to have them in my life.


Well, off to get things ready for the trip to the Dr's appointment! Should be interesting but fun with Claire, Lily, Sarah & Rose (my nieces). They really are a great help watching them! And, I can't wait to see my little sister, Crystal, this weekend and my nieces and nephews!!!! :o) We have LOTS of graduating seniors in the family this year! (A blog post just for them is coming soon).

*Also, I hope to get Lily's birthday pictures posted soon. We had some trouble with the 1hr. photo at Wal-Mart (surprised?) I still do not have my new digital. Charlie is going to pick it out for me and so I am waiting...... But, that's okay. He always gets the one I want, anyway! :o)

Have a blessed day!

Our babies

I am thinking today of my children.I am thinking of their soft baby skin, wide blue eyes, their chubby little arms hugging me, their sweet breath on my cheek when they want to be held, their laughs of pure joy, sweet dispositions and stubborn wills. Their love of singing songs over and over until they fall asleep (Lily, too, she hums really loud). Claire's sweet wake up hugs and Lily's kisses.


I also am thinking of my babies in heaven and how much I miss them. I know that I will see them some day and that makes me happy beyond description. I will see Jesus and my babies and they are safe in their heavenly home. So much safer than I could ever make them here. What a blessing to have them waiting for me. What an incentive to tell others of the saving power of Jesus.


I always think more often of our babies in heaven when I am pregnant. I guess being pregnant just makes me feel closer to them. As I lay in bed last night and let the baby kick and roll, I thought of how blessed I am to experience this again. It will be hard, yes, without a doubt. But, life is full of hard things and some are definitely worth the work. This is one of those times. This baby is worth the work. He/She is definitely one of our greatest blesssings and will be one of the greatest joys of our life. I can't wait to meet you little one and teach you so many things as I watch you grow. I can't wait to see you with your sisters and tell you about your siblings in heaven. I can't wait to give you hugs and kisses and "I love you's" every day of your life. I can't wait to see your little feet and hands and your beautiful eyes and to kiss your sweet little cheeks. Only a few short weeks and we will meet you! We will see you on the ultrasound next week and Daddy can't wait, either! As many times as we do this, we never get tired of seeing our precious little ones on the ultrasound screen! What a beautiful sight!

Little one, you are so loved and cherished. We know that God has a purpose for your life already and I can't believe that we are so blessed as to be the ones to prepare you for your life. What a blessing you and your sisters are to us, we love you, Baby Fogg!!!


Thank you, Lord, for the precious blessings you have bestowed upon us. We are forever grateful and humbled by your amazing grace. There really are no words for the love you have shown us.

She grins just like Kermit....

Some of you will have no idea what I am talking about but I am going to share this anyway (mainly for family that read this blog ; aka.. my sisters and my mom and my aunt).

Today I had to run to the store to get some soap because I was out of laundry detergent and I had about 6 loads of laundry to do. I put Lily in the front of the cart and Claire in the part where you put groceries. We were walking down the aisle looking for soap and my Uncle Kermit's lifetime neighbor comes around the corner. She stops me and says, " That baby(Lily) grins just like Kermit. I mean it, she looks just like him with blonde hair. She is such a doll and you are so blessed to have such a precious reminder of Kermit."

I quickly thanked her with tears rolling down my face and hurried around the corner to the register. What a precious thing to say to me. She will never know the gift she gave me today.

We miss you so much, Kermit. Life is not the same without your smiling face. I have been reading your Dick and Jane books to Claire & Lily. I know that you are reading in heaven. I love you. "G"

*I am going to try and upload some pictures later. I can't get it to work right now. *I still can't get Kermit's picture to load, I am having to scan it. I will try again later. Hopefully, I can get it posted.

Our Struggle....

*updated on November 7th, 2008.

We now have 3 children!!! Praise God!!! We were blessed with a son, Andrew Coy David Fogg on September 4th-he was yet another surprise and an even greater blessing from the Lord!!! It is true, God does answer prayer and He does immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, According to HIS power that is at work within us!!!

I read a post today that brought back a lot of painful memories. I normally don't say much about our struggle to have children because it was so painful and it is still painful to reflect on it. But, it changed me. It made me a stronger, better, more compassionate person. Looking back now, I can see that. I could not see that then. I saw everything through the haze of pain. So, I am going to share a journal entry with you. I wrote this on August 13, 2002. We had already been trying for four years. We had lost several babies.

"My body is driving me crazy. I have no idea how to fix what is wrong with me or even all the money it takes to keep going. I am so tired of being sick all of the time and I am beginning to think that I will never hold our child. I am so tired of it all, Lord. Why can't we just be normal? I can't let go of the baby thing.I cry watching movies with Mom's and Dad's, I cry going to the grocery store and seeing all of the moms and babies. Moms and babies everywhere. Why is it so hard for me and Charlie? What do I have to do to make it happen? I wish I knew. Nothing is going to make it okay. The only thing that will make it okay will be to have a child. I know I should be grateful that I have my husband and I am but it's not the same. I don't know, I don't know! I just wish that you, God would take away this awful pain. It hurts SOOO bad......"

I now have two beautiful little girls after 7 years of infertility. I have two babies, but I will never forget the pain of not being pregnant and the horrible crushing grief over the babies that I couldn't have and the babies that I lost. I know it hurts, hurts so deep you can't even describe it. I went through a time when I was very angry and even suicidal at one point, I was just so depressed. The Lord carried me through. That's all I know. He answered me when I called for Him, time and time again. That's all I know and that's all I can tell you. There are no words that will fix it, nothing will. Just hold to God's unchanging hand and he will drag you through if he has to. He had to drag me a very long ways out of a very deep and dark pit.

I hope that this helped someone. Please remember to be kind when you are talking to someone who is struggling with this. We are very sensitive and words cut deep.

Hope you have a blessed day,

Love,

Julie

Thankful Thursday.......

In no particular order:

* people who speak the truth, without fear of retribution.

* my family who loves me through everything

* snuggling babies

* little kid voices, oh, so sweet!

* kisses

* Fried Ice Cream (read this on a blog and tried it today, oh!!!)

* my kitchen aid mixer

* WIC vouchers to help pay for formula (yes, we use WIC)

* teething tablets

* tylenol (the infants kind. Tylenol doesn't do a thing for me, personally)

*excedrin extra strength (by the way, this is the same exact thing as exced.migraine, they just package it different, read the box)

* the internet, the blogging world

* straightening shampoo

* my mother (should have been higher on the list, thanks for all you do for everyone, Mama)

* my husband who works so hard and helps me when he gets home without complaining.

* my dad who lights up when my kids walk in the room!

* my beautiful little angels who taught me how to love and be a lot less selfish.

* Outdoor grills

*ICE

* AC

* wedge sandals (can wear them without falling over!)

* slow cookers/crockpots

*Washable markers with flip-top caps (no more lost lids!)
And the best thing of all, Jesus Christ and the neverchanging Word of GOD! Awesome!

Have a great day!

Love,
Julie