more of my rambling...........;)

I ran 1 mile today and walked a mile and a half. Pretty good for not running for a few years! I have been a little busy having babies! :) It felt so good to run and today was such a gorgeous day to run! 74 degrees and windy with a touch of rain in the air.......aaaahhhhhhh....... I had forgotten how much I love to run and just be alone, just me, the road and God.

I don't know how many miles I am going to be able to get since I am home all day with the kids and I don't have babysitting close by. Charlie usually doesn't get home until late so that's out. Hopefully, Mom will watch them a couple of days a week for an hour so I can run and the other days we will just walk and I will do some walking videos in the house with the girls. :) That's always fun! They love to exercise with Mama! And, I can always get in some running time on Saturdays and Sundays and I am thinking that will be enough for me! I am not in this for the miles. I just want to be healthy for myself and my family. I want to feel better and be the best wife and mother I can be. That's why I run.

I bought Claire's stuff for her Princess party this weekend. Hopefully, I wil get invitations mailed out this weekend. We also have been invited to a valentine's party on Saturday so I got everything for that, too. I am making Red Velvet cupcakes with cream cheese or buttercream icing (can't decide yet) and placing candy hearts on top. She picked out Princess valentines for the girls and Car valentines for the boys. They got pencils with their Valentines. I thought that was a cute idea.

Tomorrow we are making supper and baking cookies for a family that goes to our church. Miss Tammie's mama is sick so we are going to make her feel better. They don't know yet, it's a surprise! Hopefully, I can get it done. If not tomorrow, I will take it Tuesday. Also, we are going to make a Valentine's garland and work on our letter of the week (A). shape: square number: 1 and nursery rhyme: Hey Diddle Diddle, our theme is Cows and our vocabulary word is calf. We are reviewing or that's the plan anyway!! We are working on grasping objects with Drew and he's getting pretty good at it! Oh my goodness, he is growing SO fast!!

Friday night we all curled up in blankets and watched "Facing the Giants". That is such a favorite around here. We could watch it again and again. :)

Charlie heads back to work tomorrow and I am not ready for that at all. Check out the "My Husband Rocks" t-shirts on my sidebar. I am going to order one and wear it with pride. He definitely deserves it. I have such an amazing husband. Oh Lord, you have blessed me more than I EVER deserve and I thank you!!!

Well, I have to go. Just wanted to touch base since I have been gone all week. I probably won't get to blog much this week, either. I have so many things to do and such a busy week planned with the kids and Charlie.

Talk to you soon, though!! Have a blessed week!!

Love,
Julie

I'm under attack...

*edited to say: I know that people love me, that friends and family love me. Deep down I know that. This is just the battle that I fight every day with myself. Not anything that anyone has or hasn't done!

Charlie and I went to see Fireproof on Sunday night. It was, as I already said, in a word, AWESOME!!! It has been life changing for us! I am seeing things in my husband that I have prayed for and now they are coming true! Last night was a very huge moment for us. Charlie took me down on the floor with him on our knees and he prayed over us. :) I cannot stop crying today. Just tears of absolute joy everytime I think of my precious husband and how he is trying so hard to be the husband/father he is called to be, how his heart is so tender towards me now and most important, He is walking with Christ every step of the way! :)

We are going through some major things right now and I am not afraid. Charlie is standing up and taking control and I am SO proud of my husband! However, the problem is with me.

Satan is atttacking me; big time. I have a major self pity thing going on. I am not able to focus so well when I am in prayer. I just feel like I need to sleep and have no urge to take care of my family or my home. Sounds bad, huh? But, I have to admit it. I must get this out so that Satan has NO power over my mind. I have learned exactly what to do to make him go away! ;)

I am just in a major funk. I feel like no one cares about me and I have been trying to reach out to others but feel rejected. I hate that feeling and it makes me start questioning myself. It makes me feel horrible because I feel not worthy of friendship or of anything good in my life. I hate this about me, that I let my mind control me so many times.

My parenting has definitely suffered. I am very easily angered and struggling to stay calm and let the little things just go. Lily is a little screamer when she doesn't get her way and listening to this ALL. DAY. LONG. is driving me insane! Claire is going through a thing where she hates to wear pants (of any kind) , her seat belt, etc. and throws a screaming fit when she has too. Which, you know, is any time we go anywhere at all. Drew is doing pretty good but I can't give him the attention he needs because I have spent most of my day today defusing temper tantrums and wondering if I am losing my mind?!

And, I have surgery scheduled for Tuesday morning. I am always worried when I have surgery. And this is a very hard and sad day for me. Without going into our reasons or our decision, I will not be able to have more children. We know that this is the right decison but we are very sad. My life is my husband and my children. That's all I know and I love every second of it. I really believe that my conflicting feelings are the source of a lot of this mess I am going through this week. Please pray for us.

Anyway, I just felt like I had to get this said. I know that I have not been walking around with my "full armour of God" as my protection against Satan's attacks. I must stay in the word, that is why I am starting the memory verse. I must focus on what my family thinks of me and their needs from me as a wife and mother. I HAVE to get to that point where I no longer worry about what people (even family) think of me. I have to stop letting other people's opinions of me control me. I KNOW WHO I AM. I KNOW I AM WORTHY. I KNOW I AM CALLED TO BE CHARLIE'S WIFE AND CLAIRE, LILY & DREW'S MAMA. THE LORD IS MY HEAVENLY FATHER AND HE LOVES ME.

and that's all I need to know.

Julie