I'm under attack...

*edited to say: I know that people love me, that friends and family love me. Deep down I know that. This is just the battle that I fight every day with myself. Not anything that anyone has or hasn't done!

Charlie and I went to see Fireproof on Sunday night. It was, as I already said, in a word, AWESOME!!! It has been life changing for us! I am seeing things in my husband that I have prayed for and now they are coming true! Last night was a very huge moment for us. Charlie took me down on the floor with him on our knees and he prayed over us. :) I cannot stop crying today. Just tears of absolute joy everytime I think of my precious husband and how he is trying so hard to be the husband/father he is called to be, how his heart is so tender towards me now and most important, He is walking with Christ every step of the way! :)

We are going through some major things right now and I am not afraid. Charlie is standing up and taking control and I am SO proud of my husband! However, the problem is with me.

Satan is atttacking me; big time. I have a major self pity thing going on. I am not able to focus so well when I am in prayer. I just feel like I need to sleep and have no urge to take care of my family or my home. Sounds bad, huh? But, I have to admit it. I must get this out so that Satan has NO power over my mind. I have learned exactly what to do to make him go away! ;)

I am just in a major funk. I feel like no one cares about me and I have been trying to reach out to others but feel rejected. I hate that feeling and it makes me start questioning myself. It makes me feel horrible because I feel not worthy of friendship or of anything good in my life. I hate this about me, that I let my mind control me so many times.

My parenting has definitely suffered. I am very easily angered and struggling to stay calm and let the little things just go. Lily is a little screamer when she doesn't get her way and listening to this ALL. DAY. LONG. is driving me insane! Claire is going through a thing where she hates to wear pants (of any kind) , her seat belt, etc. and throws a screaming fit when she has too. Which, you know, is any time we go anywhere at all. Drew is doing pretty good but I can't give him the attention he needs because I have spent most of my day today defusing temper tantrums and wondering if I am losing my mind?!

And, I have surgery scheduled for Tuesday morning. I am always worried when I have surgery. And this is a very hard and sad day for me. Without going into our reasons or our decision, I will not be able to have more children. We know that this is the right decison but we are very sad. My life is my husband and my children. That's all I know and I love every second of it. I really believe that my conflicting feelings are the source of a lot of this mess I am going through this week. Please pray for us.

Anyway, I just felt like I had to get this said. I know that I have not been walking around with my "full armour of God" as my protection against Satan's attacks. I must stay in the word, that is why I am starting the memory verse. I must focus on what my family thinks of me and their needs from me as a wife and mother. I HAVE to get to that point where I no longer worry about what people (even family) think of me. I have to stop letting other people's opinions of me control me. I KNOW WHO I AM. I KNOW I AM WORTHY. I KNOW I AM CALLED TO BE CHARLIE'S WIFE AND CLAIRE, LILY & DREW'S MAMA. THE LORD IS MY HEAVENLY FATHER AND HE LOVES ME.

and that's all I need to know.

Julie

Rattling around in my head...

*Updated with pictures at the bottom of the post!!!!!

Um, yeah. The best title I could come up with for all that I have been dwelling on lately. Must be the horomones! =)

* Is baby a boy for sure? How do I know? (See, how useless is it to worry about this? And, so what if it is a girl?! Either one is fine with me & Charlie!)

* I get up at 4am with Charlie almost every day and don't get to sleep until around 10:30 or 11 pm. After I get up with him, it takes me about an hour to go back to sleep and then Claire is up at 6 am. So, I am just a little tired all of the time!

* I am really ready for Fall!!! It's raining a lot here and cooling down some already which is extremely strange for August where we live! It's usually so dry and HOT all month and into September! I am loving this weather even if our finances aren't (Charlie can't work much when it rains).

* Still not completely ready for Andrew. I just can't seem to get it all together with this 3rd baby. I desperately want to but I am just so tired and occupied with taking care of Charlie & the girls. So, I am feeling some Mommy guilt already.

* Read Romans this morning. I don't really remember which chapter! LOL. =) I could not go back to sleep so I read and then I fell asleep reading. I think it was the 8th chapter! I do remember reading about our sin nature and the Holy Spirit dwelling in us. =)

* Thinking about posting about a serious issue. Trying to figure out exactly what to say. I usually don't like to deal with the aftermath I get when I post about things like that but I feel this is important. We'll see.

* Making a ham in the crockpot and cooking pinto beans, steamed cabbage and mashed potatoes with it. Of course, sweet tea. And little Miss Clairee made her Daddy a cake this morning. =)

* My dr.'s appt. got rescheduled today. Going early next week and I am actually hoping to have the baby before then. I am shooting for Paul (the 24th?) or Kylie's (the 27th?) birthdays!!!! =)

*Did "school" with Claire today! We made circles and stars and cut and pasted them on construction paper. We also worked on her counting and the letter "R". She is doing so great and I am SO proud of my babies!! Lily is scribbling away on her construction paper while Sissy works!!! I will post the pictures I took of their artwork sometime today. My computer still does not cooperate with that very well so I have to use my Mom's to load my pictures until we can afford a new one!

* Charlie's home for the 3rd day this week. Check will be small but the Lord will provide. HE always does. =)

*Lily has a head cold and Claire is getting one. They are stuffed up pretty bad right now. =(

* Going to go and play catch with Claire and go for a walk. Hope I can get baby to come on down!!! Pray for us please as we near the birth of our precious little one!

Lily can do school, too!

Claire's circles & stars(the stars were traced with a cookie cutter, I know they are funny looking but I think they are the cutest stars, ever! She also cut and pasted these with VERY little of Mama's help, I am so proud!!!

Love and Prayers to all,
Julie

34 Weeks

I am going to try to get my scanner to post a fabulous (who am I kidding?) picture of me 34 weeks pregnant. I will keep trying until I get it posted so hold on...it will be here before long, I promise. =) I realize as of yet, I have only posted one pregnancy picture. That is pitiful! I will try to do much better in the coming weeks. I have just been, can you say, overwhelmed?


34 weeks! Whew! This pregnancy has flown by, for sure. It has really been nothing but a blur since I found out about this wee little one in my womb. I am still in shock that I am having another baby. Many may not understand that, but for 7 years I did not really believe that I would have children or to be more accurate, I really did not let myself think of it too much. So, to be blessed with not only one precious babe but 3 in 3 & 1/2 years? I am still dreaming. Most of the time, it doesn't seem real that I can be living this life out. But I am. Thank God I am.


Claire is going through some temper tantrum episodes and man, those are fun! haha. Some days I feel like a prisoner of war in my home. Lily is becoming more and more sweet and affectionate but also more independent! And, she can throw some whopper temper tantrums, too!


So, all in all, in the midst of baby preparations and day to day life, we have our hands full! We hit the bed exhausted every single night but praise God, we do sleep through the night most of the time! Claire is up to go to the bathroom but that is usually it. Lily usually sleeps like a rock. I just hope it continues after baby Drew arrives! Those all night feedings are tough enough without the other two waking up!


Lily will be 15 months old next week and we are on the countdown waiting for baby Drew!!! I have been sorting through baby girl clothes and boxing them up. Which is bittersweet and hard to do. I am so very sentimental. I have been washing Drew's clothing and blankets and sanitizing his bottles and pacifiers and just trying to get everything in a neat little place.


Drew's room is just off the girls' room but he will be sleeping with us for a while to start with (well, not with us, but in our room in a bassinet). So, I am trying to go ahead and get his room ready for his stuff but it is not going to well. Right now, it is stuffed with storage boxes and books. So, I am going through a little of that every day and trying to get it organized and cleared out of there so we can paint this weekend and move in the furniture for Drew. =)


Charlie painted the kitchen and some of the living room last week. He is also working on taking down wallpaper and painting the bathroom. I am helping of course, just not with the paint. He has also been doing a lot of work on our pool and everything outside. He is exhausted but happy.


Any ideas any of you have for organization would be very appreciated! Anything that helped you with a new baby coming? Most of all, I know that I am just going to have to get in there and throw a lot of stuff away!!!


Right now, Drew is kicking all of the time! He has the hickups almost every night at bedtime which Claire & Lily did not do, so it is a new thing and it is funny but I feel sorry for him! I HATE the hickups! I also have so much more fluid with him than I did with the girls. I feel so huge and unbalanced!



Also, any recommendations on a good (not too expensive) double stroller? I am definitely going to have to have one with a 3 & 1/2 yr. old, a 15month old and a baby!!!! =) That and A LOT of prayers!! lol. =) Anyway, if you do know of some good ones would you please let me know? Thanks!


Cravings so far: Fruit (any kind) especially watermelon and strawberries! Ice water with a whole glass of crushed ice to suck on and crunch. For some reason, it soothes me. I did that with Claire, too! Chinese food (sometimes) and Peanut Butter and chocolate. Italian sandwiches, olive salad and pepperoncini peppers. (all my husband's fave things). That's just a few of the cravings I have. But now, it is mostly just ice water and fruit. Which is good and fine by me. I have gained enough weight! =)



I try to talk to the baby every night with Charlie. Sometimes, I read out loud the verses in the Bible that speak of Andrew, the first disciple. I really do love that name. Charlie has always wanted to name his son Andrew and I think it is such a wonderful strong name. It really just fits this baby boy. And I love the shortened form of Drew. Charlie's dad's brother was named Andrew and that is why Charlie always liked it. It also has the exact same meaning as Charles, which is great!


The middle name choices that we have are going to be kept quiet until the birth. We just like for that to be a surprise and actually, we usually aren't entirely sure until we meet the baby. Claire was Claire Elisabeth Rene(Reen, not Renee) until we met her and then she was Claire Victoria Rose (her birth and Wilma's death the day of my baby shower in some ways influenced the change). Lily was Lily Sophia Elise for a while and then she was Lily Charlotte Ann and then Lily Sophia Rene and then we decided to name her after Charlie in case she was the last one, so she became Lily Charlotte or Lily Caroline and we were not sure about the 3rd name!!! But, when she was born, she was just Lily Charlotte Alise!!! (Lise after my Mom's names and Alise, short for Allison and Alise, short for Alisabeth/Elisabeth/Elizabeth (all family names).


So, all that rambling to say, that we don't positively know yet but we will when we see little Drew!!! =) And no, I don't mind people asking me what we are going to name the baby, it's just that as far as middle names go, we really don't exactly know for sure until we see him! Hope that explains it better than I have been! =)


If it happens to be a girl, we have a short name list:


*Audrey(has been a top pick with all 3 pregnancies; LOVE it)

*Savannah(Love this, don't really know why)

*Raegan(after my sister and my dad)

*Anna(after my mother-in-law& I just love the name)

*Ava (biblical; pretty)


middle names:


*Elisabeth(grandmothers)

*Caroline(form of Charles)

*Catherine(grandmothers)

*Cate(same)



Third name:



No clue!!!! Truthfully!!!



So, feel free to make a girl's name suggestion if you have one!!! I always believe in being prepared but I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what to name this one if it's a girl (which I doubt almost 100% that it is ) but still, I like to at least have some good combinations ready!!! =)


Anyway, I guess that about wraps up this novel of things I wanted to say! Thank you very much if you are still reading and I promise to get my belly pics posted as soon as I can get the scanner to do it! *Definitely have to get a new digital before Drew arrives!!! =)

ugh! this is SERIOUSLY DISTURBING!

Click here and read Virtue Alert's post about the show that many teens watch, "Gossip Girl". This is disturbing and it really sickens me. I thought that 90210 was bad when I was a teen. This is SAD. What really is sad is that so many kids watch this show and look up to these characters. Please discuss with your children why these actions portrayed in their ads are so inappropriate and extremely dangerous.

*I don't mean to offend anyone but I have young nieces and nephews as well as my own children. I believe with everything within me that we MUST speak out about these kinds of things and talk to our youth about them. We must take action and not just talk. One of the reasons I blog. A lot of young kids that I know read this blog and listen to what I say. This is very important, trust me. Just something that I have been convicted about for many years. I truly feel that what we watch and read and associate with can taint our souls. And I don't want those kind of horrible consequences for any of the youth that I know and love. =)

Courage for your task

Joshua 1
The LORD Commands Joshua

1 After the death of Moses the servant of the LORD, the LORD said to Joshua son of Nun, Moses' aide: 2 "Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites. 3 I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses. 4 Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the great river, the Euphrates—all the Hittite country—to the Great Sea [a] on the west. 5 No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.

6 "Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. 7 Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. 8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. 9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

10 So Joshua ordered the officers of the people: 11 "Go through the camp and tell the people, 'Get your supplies ready. Three days from now you will cross the Jordan here to go in and take possession of the land the LORD your God is giving you for your own.' "

12 But to the Reubenites, the Gadites and the half-tribe of Manasseh, Joshua said, 13 "Remember the command that Moses the servant of the LORD gave you: 'The LORD your God is giving you rest and has granted you this land.' 14 Your wives, your children and your livestock may stay in the land that Moses gave you east of the Jordan, but all your fighting men, fully armed, must cross over ahead of your brothers. You are to help your brothers 15 until the LORD gives them rest, as he has done for you, and until they too have taken possession of the land that the LORD your God is giving them. After that, you may go back and occupy your own land, which Moses the servant of the LORD gave you east of the Jordan toward the sunrise."
16 Then they answered Joshua, "Whatever you have commanded us we will do, and wherever you send us we will go. 17 Just as we fully obeyed Moses, so we will obey you. Only may the LORD your God be with you as he was with Moses. 18 Whoever rebels against your word and does not obey your words, whatever you may command them, will be put to death. Only be strong and courageous!"

*I have been struggling with various things lately. A lot of it is just getting ready for this little one and the anxiety that comes with having a new baby and all that it involves. Maybe it is just me but I put so much thought into "How is this decision going to affect the kids?" "How do I teach them to have certain values and morals?" "How do I live my life to model what I know they need to be seeing in me?"

Needless to say, it is overwhelming to think on these things constantly. But, that is being a parent. And, there is no task that I would rather be entrusted with!

I found this scripture in my PawPaw Treat's list of how to use your bible. It is listed under "When you need courage for your task". And, I have needed a hefty dose of courage for my tasks lately so, I started reading this last night and shared it with Charlie. The one thing that stood out the greatest in this passage was this, "BE STRONG AND COURAGEOUS" and in verse 7, it is stressed like this, " BE STRONG AND VERY COURAGEOUS". I love the VERY right there, it just really stresses how courageous we are supposed to be!

This is just a journaling kind of entry. Just my thoughts lately. Thanks for reading.