Grateful for...

(our back pasture this morning)

(I've been discontent and out of sorts lately and not really writing because I didn't want my discontentment and anger to show through, I didn't want people to see the real me, more on that later but for now I want to share how my eyes have been opened on this NEW day)

* a husband who has been off work for almost 2 weeks. money is almost nonexistent but it has been sooo nice to have him home with us. Also, much thankful for the small check my husband received this week from work. Not much but enough to pay a bill!!! Lord, you are our provider. I am ashamed that at times I have forgotten that.

*a little girl who sings "I am so glad that Jesus loves me" to her little sister and brother before bed. (Claire)

*a little girl who tells me, "I sowwy(sorry), Mama. I good gurwl (girl) in my hawt(heart)" (Lily)

*a little boy who is taking more steps every day but still stopping every few to find Mama or Daddy and get the confidence he needs to continue on...same baby boy who, when I pick him up, automatically (every time) leans into my shoulder and gives me precious loves and just hangs on... be still my heart

*little purple dragonfly and pink ladybug aprons hanging beside mine in the kitchen

*eager little hands kneading piecrust with mama

*the rain, even though it means financial trouble, it is a balm to my soul, in so many ways. The quiet nights spent inside or on the front porch listening to the rain hit our tin roof, the soup simmering in the slow cooker,the smell of our homemade laundry detergent and the sound of snaps hitting the dryer, the feel of chubby soft little hands as we trace leaves with fat crayons over paper, the sound of children singing praises to a Jesus they love, the sound of children laughing as they dance and play, the smell of a new book, the taste of hot tea, the smell and beauty of Fall candles burning, the quietness late at night as I talk with my husband, the Grace of my God. The rain that brings all of these things into focus.

Oh, how I love them!!!!

God, thank you so much for our beautiful sweet precious family!! We are not perfect and we have struggled so much through the years but I praise you evermore for your faithfulness especially when we have been, at times, less than faithful!

Julie

Oh, how I needed to read this!! ....

*The following was taken from an article I had clipped from something and placed in my housekeeping binder (more on that later, if you want the info, it's really easy & helpful). As I read this today, I became more convicted of my actions at times and how God restores me time and again! Thank God for His abundant GRACE that is anew every morning....(the highlighted ones are what I have struggled with recently).


~if Mom is sour, the children are cranky;

~if Mom is irritable, the children are antsy;

~if Mom is angry, the children live on eggshells;

~if Mom is distracted, the children run amuck;

~if Mom is undisciplined, the house becomes unkempt;

~if Mom is ungrateful, the children develop a sense of entitlement;

~if Mom is addicted to tv or internet, the house, the children, and her husband suffer;

~if Mom despises herself physically or any other way, her husband suffers for lack of intimacy;

~if Mom is petty or obsessed with material things, her children are shallow and her husband feels used;

~if Mom lives in a world without forgiveness, her children and her husband will never experience the deepest love she may have to offer

praying for these special families....

*edited: wrong link! It's early in the morning, sorry! The link for Kelly should work now! :)

Please pray for my friend, Rebecca. She is having some serious problems early in her pregnancy & is on bedrest. Please pray for the baby's health & for courage and strength for Rebecca and her family. I have been in this place and it is not an easy place to be. Please lift her up in your prayers!

Also, a blogger I read, Kelly's Korner, just had her little girl, Harper, last night. Harper is VERY sick. She has pneumonia because her lungs are filled with fluid. They are starting her on a heart/lung bypass machine today. This is VERY serious. Life threatening. Kelly & her husband prayed for this baby for years. Please pray for the family.

Have a wonderful weekend & remember to stay in prayer to the God of Miracles!!!

Love,
Julie

Memo to Mommy...

I found this in my "parenting" binder. I am not sure of the source, I think it may be Parents magazine. Anyway, I wanted to share this with you. I had a rough day last week and reading this made the tears fall and changed my whole outlook in that instant. It's a good reminder of the way our babies see us.

*Stop freaking out about the mess! There's always time to clean-but how often do we get to make mud pies?

*Love me, even when I am naughty. I'll only be this age once.

*Be patient. I do everything for a reason but I don't know enough words yet to give you an explanation.

*Let me do it. I know you can do it faster and better, but sometimes experience is the best teacher.

*Don't expect too much of me. I want to do what you ask and make you happy, but I'm still little.

*Keep your promises. It's all about trust. When I am a teenager, you'll understand why it's so important.

*Don't try to reason with me when I am having a tantrum. Trust me-I can't hear you over my own screaming.

*Don't keep asking me if I've been good. I'm not even sure what that means, but if I was bad I'd never admit it!

*Don't let me think that you're perfect. I feel a lot better knowing I'm not the only one who makes mistakes sometimes.

*Set limits. I can't actually eat a whole box of cookies-I just want to see if I'd get away with it! :)

My negative nature

First of all, I have a confession to make. I have a tendency to be negative! Shocking, isn't it?! =)

I struggle with this and believe that I have finally found quite a bit of freedom in this area. However, for most of my life, I have struggled with being negative. I truly believe that it came out of habit and the influence of some people in my life.

Do you know anyone who you really dread being around? Because of the attitude and the atmosphere they create with their negative and critical spirit? I do, it is someone very close to me, and it is very hard to overcome the negative atmosphere this person creates in my life. So much that I have often times seen myself becoming just like this person. And I that makes me really sad.=(

I think, that when we are so automatically negative, it is a result of our lack of FAITH. This person I know rarely if ever truly places their life in God's hands. They may say they do and even advise you to do so with your life but by their actions, attitude and negative spirit, you can tell that they haven't taken that step themselves.

So, the past few days I have really struggled to do away with a negative mindset and focus on positive thoughts. I have tried to be encouraging and loving and considerate. I have worked hard at being there for my husband and my children instead of dwelling in my own pit. And today, I feel like I have experienced a breakthrough at last!!! My sister gave me some insight in an email this morning and that combined with the words I read in Scripture at 4 am helped me to see this:

"Do all things without complaining and disputing" Philippians 2:14

If we complain, it shows that we don't have faith in God. It shows and proves that we don't believe that God is capable of handling our problems. That we don't believe that He is in charge. It also shows that we don't pray oftentimes because we don't trust God to answer or to answer like we want. It shows that we are not praying oftentimes for this very reason. This is so very difficult to admit in my own life and I do not want to be this way or fall back into this way of living any longer! Lord, help me to be different! Help me to be positive! Help me to trust in YOU!!!!!

This is just something I had to journal about today. Hope it helped someone. Just getting it down has helped me so much already. Thanks for reading and I would appreciate your prayers.

Love,
Julie

Some GREAT things to mention

I still can not get my picture to scan so I may have to take another one with my old junky digital and pray that it loads! =)

Check out my new blog design! I got tired of the boring ones that blogger offered so I decided to use this, FREE, site!!! I LOVE IT!!!! =)

Anyway, I have LOTS to do today so, I have to get off of the computer! Happy Wednesday, everyone!!!

*Congratulations to my cousin, James Treat on his baptism last Sunday!! I am so proud of you, Jim-bo!!!!!

*And GREAT job, Mike on your first lesson Sunday, it was hard to do, I am sure but you handled it like a pro!

God is doing so many great things right now I am just truly overwhelmed with gladness!! HE is so good!!!!

Have a great wednesday!

Romans 5

Romans 5

Peace and Joy

1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a]have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

6You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

9Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! 10For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

Death Through Adam, Life Through Christ

12Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned— 13for before the law was given, sin was in the world. But sin is not taken into account when there is no law. 14Nevertheless, death reigned from the time of Adam to the time of Moses, even over those who did not sin by breaking a command, as did Adam, who was a pattern of the one to come.
15But the gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God's grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many! 16Again, the gift of God is not like the result of the one man's sin: The judgment followed one sin and brought condemnation, but the gift followed many trespasses and brought justification. 17For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God's abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ.

18Consequently, just as the result of one trespass was condemnation for all men, so also the result of one act of righteousness was justification that brings life for all men. 19For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.

20The law was added so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, 21so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

*This was my quiet time reading this morning. I read a devotional last night that discussed Romans chapters 5-8. So, that is what I am going to focus on this week. Read along with me if you would like! Have a great week, everyone!

The Blues

This was my daily Insight For Living yesterday and I just had to share it! May it bless you as well!


THE BLUESby Charles R. Swindoll
Read 1 Kings 19:1--9

Elijah was a heroic prophet, without question. He was also a man of great humility, as we have seen. But let's keep in mind that he was just a man---a human being, subject to the human condition, as we all are. He suffered discouragement, despondency, and depression. On one occasion, he couldn't shake it.
It is not surprising that at this point in Elijah's life the great prophet hit bottom. For several years he had stood strong amidst and against almost insurmountable odds and circumstances. But now, after a great victory, he dropped into the throes of discouragement and total despair.
He's a man, he's human, just like us, remember. Since this is true, we shouldn't be shocked to read that.

He was afraid and arose and ran for his life and came to Beersheba, which belongs to Judah, and left his servant there. But he himself went a day's journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree; and he requested for himself that he might die, and said, "It is enough; now, O LORD, take my life, for I am not better than my fathers." (1 Kings 19:3--4)
I'm glad that this chapter has been included in Scripture. I'm glad that when God paints the portraits of His men and women, He paints them warts and all. He doesn't ignore their weaknesses or hide their failures.
Elijah had to get his eyes back on the Lord. That was absolutely essential. He had been used mightily, but it was the Lord who made him mighty. He stood strong against the enemy, but it was the Lord who had given him the strength.
Often we are more enamored with the gifts God gives us than with the Giver Himself. When the Lord brings rest and refreshment, we become more grateful for the rest and refreshment than for the God who allows it. When God gives us a good friend, we become absorbed in that friendship and so preoccupied with the friend that we forget it was our gracious God who gave us the friend. How easy to focus on the wrong things.

Taken from Charles R. Swindoll, Great Days with the Great Lives (Nashville: W Publishing Group, 2005). Copyright © 2005 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide. Used by permission.

I Know the Plans I Have For You

Ephesians 3:20 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society

20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,

I love this verse! It always speaks to me in times of distress or doubt. I have been going through a lot of both lately and as always this verse has brought me back to the feet of my Lord. What a beautiful precious place to be.

This verse has carried me through a lot of hard times in my life and I use it on almost a daily basis. Sometimes it is the prayer I say under my breath through out the day when life seems to overwhelm me. The words of the Spirit just grant me a peace that I really can't explain or comprehend. When we went through so much pain with infertility, this verse is often what Charlie and I read before bed at night. There are others, of course. But, I believe this is the verse that really sustained me through that painful time. And, each time I prepare to have another baby I focus on these words. It helps calm the storm in my heart. Something about these words just erases all fear.

Lately I have been doubting myself, my actions, my purpose that God has called me to. Satan has been very active in trying to control my mind and thoughts. I am by nature, a worrier. Everyone that knows me, knows that! :o) It has been extremely hard to overcome this flaw. I am still fighting that uphill battle but lately I am feeling the power within me is greater than the force that is trying to drag me down.

I have been praying through this all week as we have dealt with various trials. This morning as the girls finally feel better and we feel somewhat normal (what a horrible stomach bug), Charlie and I were drinking coffee and discussing what we need to accomplish before Drew arrives and also just basic plans for today. All of a sudden while talking through things with my husband, I realized just how much control I have been allowing Satan to have over my mind! I rebel at the thought of relinquishing control of even one tiny aspect of my life. That is a very sobering thing to realize about yourself. However, I must face this battle head on. I DO NOT have control of my life, nor should I even try. The battle belongs to the Lord. My job is to praise and follow HIM with every fiber of my being, with everything that is within me! The very idea that I can control my life is an idea that spawns from the enemy. Yes, I can make decisions from my own free will but I cannot control the circumstances that evolve from those decisions! I cannot control the plans that my God has for me and my family. We are only to pray to make the best decisions and to serve our Lord God with all of our ability!

Even now, as I type this, Satan is pressing in and trying to convince me that nothing will ever change, that God does not care about me, that HE is not with me! And, I know, without a doubt, that is the biggest lie ever from the Father of ALL LIES!!! God will pull me through and carry me throughout all of my trials and struggles! I am the one who often pulls away in my doubt.

Thank you for reading my novel today and for praying for my family this past week. It really means so much to me. Thank you for standing in the gap for me when I need someone the most!

I hope this helped someone today and even if it didn't, it really helped me to get it out and Satan has been defeated through yet another struggle!!!

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Quiet Time...

*This is a journal type post today. I have a lot on my heart right now and this is the best way to deal with it. I have been praying without ceasing all week and I feel like I have come to a break through. I hope this helps someone and that is why I feel that I must share it.

I don't know what God is trying to tell me but every time I open my Bible right now it falls to some passage about worshipping idols. So, I am trying to focus and really get what He is telling me. And, I am sharing it with you. Maybe it can help you in some way. So, please read along and focus on what He is saying in these verses:

Warning from the History of God’s People

1Brothers and sisters, I want you to know what happened to our ancestors F62 {that followed Moses F63 }. They were all under the cloud, and they all walked through the sea. 2Those people were all baptized F64 into Moses in the cloud F65 and in the sea. 3They all ate the same spiritual food. 4And they all drank the same spiritual drink. They drank from that spiritual rock that was with them. That rock was Christ. 5But God was not pleased with most of those people. They were killed in the desert.

6And these things that happened are examples for us. These examples should stop us from wanting evil things like those people did. 7Don’t worship idols F66 like some of those people did. Like the Scriptures F67 say, “The people sat down to eat and drink. The people stood up to dance.” F68 8We should not do sexual sins like some of those people did. In one day 23,000 of them died {because of their sin}. 9We should not test the Lord like some of those people did. They were killed by snakes {because they tested the Lord}. 10And don’t complain like some of those people did. Those people were killed by the angel that destroys.

11The things that happened to those people are examples. And those things were written to be warnings for us. We live in the time that all those past histories were pointing to. 12So the person that thinks he is standing strong should be careful that he doesn’t fall. 13The only temptations that you have are the same temptations that all people have. But you can trust God. He will not let you be tempted more than you can bear. But when you are tempted, God will also give you a way to escape that temptation. Then you will be able to endure it.

14So, my dear friends, stay away from worshiping idols. F69 15I am speaking to you like you are intelligent people; judge for yourselves what I say. 16The cup of blessing F70 that we give thanks for is a sharing in the blood (death) of Christ, isn’t it? And the bread that we break is a sharing in the body of Christ, isn’t it? 17(There is one loaf of bread. And we are many people. But we all share from that one loaf. So we are really one body.)
18And think about what happens when the people of Israel (the Jews) offer sacrifices. F71 When they eat the meat that is sacrificed, they are sharing their meal with {God at} the altar, F72 aren’t they? 19{So, what about food that is sacrificed to idols F73 ?} Am I saying that sacrifices to idols are the same as those Jewish sacrifices? No, because an idol is nothing, and the things offered to idols are worth nothing. 20But I am saying that when food is sacrificed to idols, it is an offering to demons, F74 not to God. And I don’t want you to share anything with demons. 21You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and then go drink a cup with demons. You cannot share {a meal at} the Lord’s table and then go share a meal with demons. 22Doing that would make the Lord jealous F75 ! And we don’t want to do that, do we? No, because he is much stronger than we are.

Use Your Freedom for God’s Glory

23“All things are allowed.” Yes. But not all things are good. “All things are allowed.” Yes. But some things don’t help {others} grow stronger. 24No person should try to do the things that will help {only} himself. He should try to do what is good for other people.

25Eat any meat that is sold in the meat market. Don’t ask questions {about the meat} to see if it is something you think is wrong to eat. 26{You can eat it}, “because the earth and everything in it belong to the Lord.” F76
27A person that is not a believer might invite you to eat with him. If you want to go, then eat anything that is put before you. Don’t ask questions to see if it is something you think is wrong to eat. 28But if a person tells you, “That food was offered to idols, F77 ” then don’t eat it. Why? Because some people think it is wrong, and it might cause a problem for the person who told you that. 29I don’t mean that you think it is wrong. But the other person might think it is wrong. {That is the only reason I would not eat the meat.} My own freedom should not be judged by what another person thinks. 30I eat the meal with thankfulness. So I don’t want to be criticized because of something I thank God for.

*Right now I am working my way through a lot of hurt in my life. I am very sad and heavily burdened. I also worry about even posting that because I don't want anyone to be mad at me. But, that's just the truth. That's how I feel right now. I sometimes feel very overwhelmed with the pain in my life and with worrying about everyone else's pain. Sometimes I feel like it is choking me. Maybe that is what God is trying to show me. Maybe I am turning this pain into an idol. Maybe I am letting it control my life. After all, I can feel someone's pain without it shutting me down. Why do I let it cut me so deep? Because I love these people. But, do I love them more than God? That is the question I am asking myself today. Why do I not trust God to take care of these people; pain, issues & all? God loves them just as He loves me and it is time I let God handle the hurt and the anger that I feel. It is time that I give them up to Him completely and just pray. Stop dwelling. Just pray.

I am sorry if this makes absolutely no sense to you or if it offends you in some way. I do not intend for it to. I am just dealing with a lot right now and sometimes I just have to get it out and let it go. This is about some things that have happened this past week in my family and I am just having a hard time with processing it the way I need to right now. So, please pray for us.

I hope that this can help you in some way.

Love you all,
Julie

The path all too often not taken.....

"Tough times don't last, but tough people do." Sounds like a slogan written by someone not facing tough times! Hidden in this statement, however, is a challenge to hear the promise of God to never abandon us nor ever let anything separate us from his love (Read Romans 8:28-39 to get reminder of these truths!). Phil Ware, Heartlight.org



Realizing today that I am full of self righteous anger and questions that don't necessarily need to be answered. I just need to stay on the floor praying to God and giving my anger and questions and burdens to Him. So, that His perfect will may be done. Too many times, I believe, I try to fix everything myself, make everything fit into a neat little compartment and sometimes that just won't work! Not everything is black and white, Julie!

SO much going on right now in my mind. it has been a rough few months. I feel like I am drowning and the one thing I could count on has drifted away from me.I know that my God is there, but be honest, we ALL have felt this way at one tme or another, look at Job. Everything as I know it has changed and to make it worse, people that are supposed to care and be there for you, aren't there. I realize that I am depressed. I could take medication but it is not going to fix the problems that have landed me here. And to make it all even worse, I've recently been the subject of talk (gossip). I have to take the pain that I feel over this and remember that pain when I feel like I must talk about someone else. It always gets back to them and It causes nothing but pain for the people you are talking about. And hey, newsflash, you DON"T know everything about their circumstances. That is one confession I have had to make time and time again in my own life, I do not know what someone is going through in their personal life and it is none of my business, the choices and decisions they make are theirs and the actions they take are theirs. I am to pray for them and love them. That is ALL. So often, we blissfully ignore other's pain. It's easier to talk about them than to help them and actually get deep down involved in their lives, their problems. We so often close our eyes and our ears and consequently, our hearts, to those who are hurting. Because we are mean, we are callous, we are vicious, we are hateful, we are spiteful, we are jealous, we are easily offended, we are too tired, too busy, we give too much to these people as it is, why give them more of our time? our love? The list goes on and on. We are pathetic.

As I read Romans 8:28-39 today, I get the sense of being loved above all that I have done. Above all that I will do. God loves me in my darkest hour, even when I am angry and I can't feel his prescence because of the hardening of my broken heart. HE is there. HE is reaching out for me and HE loves me with an unending, everlasting love. HE is waiting for me to acknowledge that HE is there waiting to take me into HIS loving arms. How amazing is HIS everlasting love? I realize that I need to love others this way and most of all, I need to love those who have hurt me this way. Because our pain is not for nothing. It is used for a far greater purpose than we will ever know or comprehend. And to show those who hurt us, love, is to show them the never ending, self sacrificing love of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

Today, I want to be bitter and self serving and angry. Jesus wants me to be loving, kind, self sacrificing. I will choose HIS way because it is the narrow path, the path all too often not taken, but it is the path to HIM, it is the path HOME.

Romans 8:28-39

28We know that in everything God works for the good of those people that love him. These are the people God called (chose), because that was his plan. 29God knew those people before he made the world. And God decided that those people would be like his Son (Jesus). Then Jesus would be the firstborn F69 of many brothers and sisters. 30God planned for those people to be like his Son. And he called (chose) those people. God called those people and made them right with him. And God gave his glory to those people that he made right.

God’s Love in Christ Jesus

31So what should we say about this? If God is for us, then no person can stand against us. And God is with us. 32He even let his own Son suffer for us. God gave his Son for us all. So with Jesus now, God will surely give us all things. 33Who can accuse the people that God has chosen? No one! God is the One who makes his people right. 34Who can say that God’s people are guilty? No one! Christ Jesus died {for us}, but that is not all. He was also raised from death. And now he is at God’s right side and is begging God for us. 35Can anything separate us from Christ’s love? No! Can trouble separate us from Christ’s love? No! Can problems or persecution F70 separate us from Christ’s love? No! If we have no food or clothes, will that separate us from Christ’s love? No! Will danger or even death separate us from Christ’s love? No! 36Like it is written in the Scriptures F71 :
“For you (Christ) we are in danger of death all the time. People think we are worth no more than sheep to be killed.” (Psalm 44:22)
37But in all these things we have full victory through God who showed his love for us. 38-39Yes, I am sure that nothing can separate us from God’s love—not death, not life, not angels or ruling spirits. I am sure that nothing now, nothing in the future, no powers, nothing above us or nothing below us—nothing in the whole created world—will ever be able to separate us from God’s love that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Love and Blessings,

Julie

Lily, Miracle Baby #2

This week-end a year ago was very hard for me. It's kind of funny that I found out on Labor Dady week-end last year that I was pregnant with my 2nd child, at the same time I was put into the hospital for gallbladder complications. I had pancreatitis and Jaundice. I had stones blocking my duct. I almost died.

I stayed in the hospital for 8 days. 8 LONG days without my baby girl and my husband. Claire was 18 months old and did NOT understand why Mommy was not with her. That was so hard for me, I can't even begin to describe it.

When the infections went away and I was feeling better they let me come home because they couldn't do surgery until I was in my 2nd trimester. Too risky. I might miscarry or the baby might have birth defects. We were trying to save the pregnancy. If it had gotten even the slightest bit worse, they would have HAD to do surgery. The Lord was with us.

So, I went home and promptly became even sicker, with morning and all day sickness. I was so nauseous they put me on nausea medicine for chemo patients. At nearly $500 a bottle. Thank God I didn't have to pay for it. It helped but I was still nauseous. It was that bad. So, here I am, sick as a dog, and with an 18 month old and my husband was working from 4 am to 8 pm (I am SERIOUS). There were a lot of days when all I did was cry. The stress was unbelievable.

So, at 4 months pregnant, because they couldn't wait any longer, they take out my gallbladder, luckily with a laser. I didn't have any blocked ducts, if I had, it would have been cut out and Lily would have died. We wouldn't know if I had any blocked ducts or not until after the surgery. On the drive to the hospital (an hour and a half away) I had a migraine headache and vomited all the way there.

I had written letters for my whole family and spent days agonizing over what to say. It was a very serious condition. Having to do that puts a lot of things into perspective. It makes you stop and really think about what you love most about the members of your family. The hardest letters I had to write were to my little girl, my husband, my Mom & Dad, my sisters. There are no words for the love you have for these people who have surrounded you with their love. It breaks your heart to have to do something like this. But, I'm glad I had to, it made me appreciate my family. And, if anything ever happens to me, they will have the letters. Not everyone can say that.

So, I make it through the surgery, I go back home pregnant with holes in me. I cannot lift on my daughter. My Mom and Dad have to come down every morning and take care of me and Claire. She called for me in the morning to get her out of the crib and I had to wait on my Mom to get her. It broke my heart. There were so many things that I could not do for her.

Still terribly nauseous and vomiting until I was about 7 months pregnant, I am not even joking! Lily did just fine and was growing so big and the greatest thing is I have ultrasounds of almost every month of my pregnancy! I have the same with Claire because my pregnancy with her was difficult, as well (I will tell that story another time). We also have a 4D ultrasound of Lily (which we did not have to pay for) because they wanted a very good view of her insides.

Lily was carried to term through the wonderful grace of God. I was put into the hospital to be induced on April 30th. Lily was born May 1 at 10:53 am after an epidural that I really did not even feel! I don't think it had time to take effect. I am so proud of myself and of Charlie because we focused and we did it together. I could not have done it if he had not been so calm and talked me through it so calmly.

Lily Charlotte Alise, you are my miracle baby, in your own special way. You changed Mommy, you made me so much better than I ever could become on my own. Your arrival knocked me for a loop and I still haven't quite recovered from the shock of all the Lord can and will do for us. You are the most precious, sweet, laughing baby I have ever seen!

So, today I am talking about my Lil-bear. This has been on my heart for a few days. I am so, so , so blessed to be her Mama. I look forward to being there to see her and her sister grow into Godly women.

Give your kids a big hug today, Okay? Remember how precious they truly are. Remember that they are only yours as a loan, they truly belong to God.

Love and Prayers,

Julie